If i could tip my vagina, i would.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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