...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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