I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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