Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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