i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
