she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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