Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
