Pants 0. Shit 1.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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