Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
