My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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