I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
