i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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