I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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