theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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