Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
