she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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