I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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