I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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