youre lurking in front of me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize
