I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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