Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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