On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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