how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
