I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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