No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
