So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
