What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i love accidental penises.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
