winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My liver just had a heart attack.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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