we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
