I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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