Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Found the puke drawer
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
