there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
