I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
