Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
