After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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