morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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