I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
