This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
