I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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