I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
