I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
