I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
