based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
