question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
