maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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