My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
