Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
