I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
