you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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