It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
