It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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