I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
