Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
