it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
